will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
