Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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