FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
