it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
50% drunk capacity currently
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I lost the right to judge tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
