In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
