nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
