I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
