I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
