I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
