I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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