I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
