Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
