i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We need to get me chipped asap
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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