trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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