Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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