did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
