At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
