i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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