We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You are the jesus of drinking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
