i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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