my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
