Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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