I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Enjoy the penises
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
