Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
