i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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