Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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