Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
whose parrot is this?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize