his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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