And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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