my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
