she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
