Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
