Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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