Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
