He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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