everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
