Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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