i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
