Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
