clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
