bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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