My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
