I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
