Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
