i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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