i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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