He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
that may or may not have been my penis.
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