Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
