my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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