hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
