Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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