I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
