I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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