You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
