i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
