At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
