Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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