Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You work out of a Hotel?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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