I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
