I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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