i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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