I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
COCAINE IS GR8
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
