oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
