He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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