at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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