Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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