if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
